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#SarcasmWarning

The 6 Types of New Years Resolutions, and How to Make Them Work for You

1/2/2015

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New Years Resolutions are basically the same thing as Lent, but for Non-Catholics. With about the same effectiveness, minus the whole spiritual emphasis on fasting. So like I said, Lent. (at least how the majority of the people I know view it.) Maybe the problem lies in our inability to make good resolutions. So let us first identify the different kinds of resolutions that we often make. By identifying the different types of resolutions, we hope to help you decide which type is best for you in this new year.

1. The Self-Promoting Resolution:

Do you lack attention? I mean let’s face it, we all do. Sometimes people just don’t like our Facebook or Instagram posts soon or often enough. Do you rush to delete that unliked photo that you posted half an hour ago? Just give it time... or try harder with this years Self Promoting Resolution.

Example: This year, I’m going to get more followers on my blog/YouTube Channel/Twitter/Facebook. www.flannelgraf.tv #FollowMe #FishersOfLikes #Represent #Myself #YouWontBeSorry

2. The False Humility Resolution:

This one is a particular favorite of the person who just doesn't get recognized for their charitable work. Maybe you should stop practicing your faith in private this year. Just put it out there. People need to know how humble you are.

Example: This year I am going to adopt a seventh Compassion Child, one for each of my children. #NeverTooEarly #RaisingEmRight

3. The Unrealistic Resolution that leads to Guilt Resolution:

This is like the “eyes are bigger than one’s stomach” mentality. That is to say, this is for those idealists among us. If dreaming big is where you live, if you long for adventure and major life change maybe you should try this resolution. But you have been warned: sometimes it’s more than you can handle, and may lead to an overwhelming feeling a guilt when you look back on all the things you didn’t accomplish this year.

Example: This year, I’m going to climb Mt. Everest. Twice. Blindfolded.

4. The Already Accomplished Resolution:

This is kind of like writing your To Do List at 8 pm. For the current day. You jot down
things like pack lunch, go to work, put gas in the car, clip that one toenail, just for the
sheer satisfaction of having a fully checked off list. Instead of making resolutions for this year, make resolutions for last year. Hindsight is 20/20. You will exceed your own expectations if you think about the things you already did.

Example: Start the New Year right with making great resolutions. #KillinIt

5. The Way-too-Personal Resolution:

Sure, we all admire that person who has no shame... (Awkward pause) ... If this is you, maybe you could consider keeping this years resolution to a smaller circle of... friends? 

Example: Finally beat this foot fungus. #NewYearNewFeetNewMe

6. The Projection Resolution:

This resolution type is great for the passive aggressive among us. What better way to  critique those we love through our New Year Resolutions?

Example: I resolve to not let all the people who are jerks to me get to me. #YouKnowWhoYouAre #I4GiveU

Which one are you going with? Let us know in the comments below.







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