Like every good movie-goer, we took the time to analyze what we’d just seen over a cup of coffee. We’ve come up with a few thoughts. Some of them are actual issues that we take with the film, others are distractions, because that’s the way our brains work.
Creative Writing Issues: #JustPlainWrong
Assuming that Ridley Scott got most of his information from the Bible, we have a few questions. First of all, what was with the Moses’ mother and Moses’ sister confusion? Exodus 2 pretty clearly says that Pharaoh’s daughter finds the kid, the sister decides to be helpful, and gets a Hebrew woman (his own mother) to be the nurse for the kid.
Second of all, what’s up with the whole mud bath/burning bush scene? Forget about removing your shoes because you’re standing on holy ground, just let the mud suck them off your feet for you. We’re all for the spa experience, but who brings a Kid to a luxury spa?
Speaking of the Kid, we’re not sure how we feel about the Great I AM being portrayed by a petulant child. Unless there’s a fourth part of the Trinity, God the Child, that we’ve been unaware of for twenty-something (or, you know, thousands of) years. Perhaps Scott is making a statement about Egypt, the greatest civilizations of it’s time, being overcome by a child… who, frankly, reminded us of a young Anakin Skywalker, before he grew up and ruined an entire franchise. Either way, we’re pretty sure we’re supposed to be offended. We’d like to think, that God isn’t some tantrum-throwing fourth grader who ignores us.
“Hi, I’m God. If you'd like to have an argument, I'll be over here, ignoring you and building rock pyramids. Pay no attention to the random stars I throw into the ocean, you'll appreciate them later.”
Among the issues that have plagued this film, we have the actual plagues issue. We understand trying to intellectualize and rationalize the order in which these plagues could have taken place. But at some point, one has to give credence to some sort of supernatural power, especially when it came to the last plague, which Scott did, with the creepy shadow. (Like the one that invades our basements every time we turn off the lights. We now feel confident that the only logical thing to do is bolt up those stairs, and into the better lit areas of our homes. ) This is why we’re not quite sure why he seemed unwilling to give credit to God-Kid for the other plagues. On top of that, he cut out most, if not all of, the dialogue between Pharaoh and Moses, who technically should have been Aaron. (We assume that they couldn’t pay Aaron to talk because God-Kid demanded such a high salary, like, you know, “the Earth and everything in it.”)
Moving on. Apparently, when Scott read the whole crossing over on dry ground thing, he interpreted it in the sense that there was no alcohol involved. Of course, based on the chariot driving skills of the Egyptians, they had no shortage of alcohol. Nor did they have any laws against drunk driving.
Of course, there were many more issues but these are the ones that stood out to us. The issues we have with the rest of the film come from a mix of over-caffeination and pre-existing attention span issues that the majority of our generation has learned to deal with on a daily basis.
Creative Watching issues, #ADHD.
One of the first scenes in the movie to derail our attention was one in which the Egyptians are caught storming the granary, a scene strangely reminiscent of Black Friday in America. Except the door buster deal is death… which I guess isn’t all that different. Thus, we will be referring to this scene as the First Black Friday.
And what’s with the European roads? I (Brody) was having traumatic flashbacks of riding with my brother on the roads of Ireland. Apparently, so was the viceroy, and reasonably so, since he became one of the fourteen percent of Egyptians who died from road rage that year.
Here’s another one. On at least three separate occasions, there were people whose entire bodies were on fire. Why was no one practicing the stop, drop, and roll method? If we had a time machine, that is probably the first thing we’d do: travel back in time to teach people about the physics of fire… or maybe just how to take off their outer cloaks engulfed in flame. Maybe they were anticipating the wave of water and were hoping that would put out the fire?
I (Cherilyn) was pretty impressed with the fact that they all looked incredibly masculine, despite the fact that they were wearing dresses the whole time... must have been the gold suspenders... At the very least, I hope the actors gained an appreciation for the inconveniences of skirts/dresses.
Our last distraction occurred with God-Kid. As Moses is chiseling the Ten Commandments on top of a rather unimpressive Mount Sinai, God-Kid asks Moses if he disagrees with Him. More the point, he depicts the original “Do you like me? Check yes or no” when he says, “put down the hammer if you disagree with me,” thus solidifying the petulant child characterization of God.
Overall, we would say that the movie wasn't that bad. A little slow at some points, and maybe some shallow character development of some key characters, but overall we found Exodus: God & Kings to be a pretty entertaining movie. On the Flannelgraf Movie Rating Scale we would probably give it a +5 Main Service rating for production, and a +1 Children's Service rating for biblical accuracy. Of course this rating means nothing to you because we haven't fully developed the Flannelgraph Movie Rating System. We are sure we will get around to fleshing that out sometime soon..ish.
What were your thoughts about the movie? Do you agree or disagree with our complaints/ramblings? Do you have some thoughts of your own? Keep the conversation rolling and comment below!