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Future Friday: Church Names

3/6/2015

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Dear Blog Reader... you’re still reading blogs? Here in the future we have these handy new things called character limits, maybe you’ve heard of them? In 2045 we rarely have anything worth saying that more that 140 characters. We’re here, on “Future Fridays,” to offer you a look into the future. We’ll tell you what church, culture, and entertainment in the future is like through this nifty technological wormhole known as a “blog.” Feel free ask us questions about what the future is like... we’ll answer, as long as there’s no #spoilers... hashtags. How cute. We use PoundKey now. Anyway, let’s dive right in to this first of many Future Fridays.

Fast forward 30 years. Are you still attending a church with a church name like First (Insert Denomination Here) Church of Podunk Town? Maybe you attend a more contemporary church with something like “community” built into the name. yea, well... the 1990’s called, they want their church name back. Here in the future, we have more progressive ways of naming churches. Walk down any street in the mid-21st century and you’ll find well-designed warehouses with names like Vector Worship Center, Thin Air Center for Worship, Lateral Worship Center, or the multi-site mega-church, Many Mansions. Those too are outdated. They make hoverboards there now.

This just in: cool churches are still the place to be. Instead of worrying about people leaving your church for the cool one down the street, maybe you can change the future and come up with a pelvis-kicking church name before people start to leave yours. Here are three surefire tips to making sure YOU are at the cool church.

1. Relevance is key. Now, relevant is a great word. But it should not be the focus of your church name. Instead, whenever talking about your church, try to work the word relevant in as much as possible. It’s even better if you’re able to make it a church name that’s not too wordy in and of itself so that subconsciously, the word relevant becomes attached to it in your listeners’ minds. “Hey, have you been to Cup o’ the Holy Grail, down on East 5th?” “Oh, you mean that supe-supe relevant church?” “Yeah! They’ve got a GREAT fireworks display during their PM service!” “Awesome! I’ll totes have to check it out!”

2. The more obscure your church name, the more memorable it’s going to be. In a town where churches come and go faster than coffee shops, there are a lot of church names working against you. So you have to make it memorable. What better way than an obscure reference no one understands? You don’t understand the phrase “Hedge of Protection” now. Just think how obscure but memorable that will be in thirty years. “Hi, I’m Pastor Mike from the Hedge of Protection church down the street. Yes, we DO have an actual hedge!” Greenery is rare in the future. Some people are still blaming global warming. Personally, I blame Obama... Yes, he’s still the president... but get this! He’s a Republican now! But we digress... #Spoilers

3. The logo is key. Always plan the name of your church so that the logo will have something awesome in it. Like a mountain. Or an eagle. Everybody loves eagles. Let’s go back to the Hedge of Protection Church. Not only do they have an actual hedge with its name spelled out, their logo is, in fact, a hedge. We’d show you a picture, but it’s copyrighted. Use your imagination. Really, that’s what these names are all about. The more imaginative, the more memorable. And here in 2045, we like to say, a name says everything about you. That’s right, we go to the Shepherd’s Gate Church and if you’re anything like your future self, you know exactly what that means.

All this to say, you are at a crossroads. Before you lie two roads; one leads to this ridiculous version of the future while the other leads to becoming more and more like the Church depicted in scripture. Being cool and trendy and “relevant” is great and there’s nothing wrong with it. But if people are more likely to recognize your church for being cool and trendy than how well you love others, each other, and God, there’s something wrong. Your focus may be a bit misguided.

Personally, we appreciate cool things. We’re twenty-somethings. But we’d rather experience true Christian fellowship with a group of people who love God and have a heart for the lost. A trendy church might initially draw us in but if there is not a strong theological foundation and a relationally sincere group of people, it won’t hold our attention for long.

We know we’re not there yet… but we’d like to be.

So, what do you think? Is the world ready for Future Christians who sincerely love God and others? Are they ready for the hard truths and doctrines found in scripture? Are you ready to be a part of a church that dares to set aside appearances in favor of whole-hearted dedication to the Gospel?





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Mashup Monday: Lets Get Some Christmas Shoes

2/23/2015

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This Winter... A Hero Will Rise...

2/21/2015

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I’m _______________’s Best Friend

2/16/2015

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Confession: I play Trivia Crack. I happen to have retained a lot of obscure knowledge from various sources, not the least of which is my participation in Scholastic Challenge in high school. (Yes, it IS as nerdy as it sounds!) I actually started playing Trivia Crack at the behest of my friend’s ten year old daughter. And then, as the name implies, I became pretty addicted. I have approximately 17 ongoing games with various people. Sports is my worst category. (Shocking.) And I will basically play anyone who asks.

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The 2015 Presidents Day Cards

2/8/2015

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"I don't know who Saint Valentine was, but I hope he died alone surrounded by couples..."
                                                                            ~Miranda Hart
Valentine's Day is next week, and singles everywhere are gearing up for the obnoxious flood of Facebook post of people telling their friends just how happy they are with their significant other. (I mean seriously, get off the couch, walk into the other room and tell them in person... we don't care. #NotBitter)

If this quote resonates with you maybe a Presidents Day card is the way to go this Valentines/Presidents day weekend. Maybe you just went through a rough break up, or maybe you've been given the "gift" of singleness, either way, celebrating valentines day would just be too much this year. So take this opportunity to celebrate Presidents day like never before. Here are just a few card options to send your not-so-significant others to let them know that they are appreciated this Presidents day. 
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#Priorities

1/30/2015

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Stop Child Labor: Volunteer Today!

1/19/2015

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You know those really sad commercials for the SPCA featuring Sarah McLachlan that bring you to tears and ruins your day no matter the occasion? Yeah, that commercial is the reason why I don't watch live television anymore. If I wanted to be sad and cry my eyes out, I would have watchedMighty Joe Young... (inside Joke). 

Well, we decided to make our own video. Our Church is in a bit of a remodel project at the moment, and we were looking for creative ways to guilt people into volunteering... #Sarcasm. Introducing: Stop Child Labor Volunteer Today, Featuring Leslie Szymanski as Steffers, and our very own Cherilyn Wise as Charity. Check it out below and let us know what you think!
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The Life of a Twenty Something

1/12/2015

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Worship Bloopers: The Declaration of Idependence Prayer

1/9/2015

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God knows when we are talking to Him, and when we are just talking to be heard.
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Have you ever accidentally started quoting from the Declaration of Independence while praying? No? Really? Yeah, me neither...

But I came pretty close the other night at a New Year's worship event at my church. It went something like this:

"Lord, may we not sing these songs without letting the truths found in them affect us, and when we meet together in a year from now may we still hold these truths..."

Now if you know anything about the Declaration of Independence, you can tell how I almost fell into that trap... almost. To my own relief, and despite my own default way of making things political, I did not continue on by saying, "to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable" blah blah blah... you get the point. Nope, I fought that urge, and instead leaned away from the microphone to laugh at myself, because really, who quotes Thomas Jefferson during prayer... I mean, besides Tea Partiers? 

In my own defense, I majored in history and political science, and it somehow sneaks its way into other areas of my life. I am glad only a few people noticed, and that even fewer of them knew exactly what I was thinking. So with this in mind, I've come up with a three step way to keep yourself from quoting historical documents during worship prayer. 

Step 1 Don't bring your constitution with you to church. That is all i'm going to say about that...

Step 2 Stay focused when you pray. It is really annoying to talk with someone who can't focus on the conversation, at least that is what people keep telling me. Yeah, some of us have pre-existing conditions when it comes to our ability to focus, but when it comes to prayer, if we are not focused on having a real conversation with God, we are going to go down some bizarre rabbit trails.  

Step 3 Be genuine. God knows when we are talking to Him and when we are just talking to be heard. Sometimes I think we use prayer as a type of transition in church. "We are done with the songs part of the service, so let's end it with prayer so the band can exit from the stage unnoticed... as if when we open our eyes after prayer we look frantically for where they have all gone." Or, "we are going to eat now and we need to talk to God because that is what we have always done." I am not saying that praying during these moments is a bad thing, but if we are doing it out of habit without a genuine heart of prayer, we are just talking. Auto-pilot prayers leave us saying things don't reflect our heart, this is something I need to work on when praying in public. 

What do you think? 


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Super Attainable Resolutions for 2015

1/4/2015

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We had a lot of fun trying to come up with fake resolutions for our last post, so we decided to come up with a few more for your viewing/reading pleasure. Do you guys suck at coming up with reasonable and obtainable New Year Resolutions? Well give these resolutions a look through and make them your own!

  1. 2015 is the year I finally beat 2048! #SecondYearsTheCharm
  2. Be less sarcastic… unless it’s REALLY funny… #NeverGonnaHappen
  3. Only binge watch series I HAVEN’T seen already on Netflix. #30RockForThe30thTime
  4. Make it out of my pajamas before noon on my days off. #ForeverLazyNoMore
  5. Stop wasting my time on books that have already been made into TV shows or movies. #NoMoreYoungAdultFictionForMe #BooksAreForTimeLords
  6. Pretend to give online dating another chance. #ChristianMingle #EHarmony #Match #OKCuipid #HereICome
  7. Finally file my 501-C-3 paperwork for my non-profit, Endorphins for Orphans. #HeresToAYearOfLaughter #YouOweAnOrphanADollar
  8. Become less organized so that no one will be able to steal my stuff. #NeverAgain #ImComingForYou
  9. Walk my dog more because he is getting fat. #Dogbesity #Merica
  10. Post more of what I am eating online for all “friends.” #Foodie4Eva

And since we actually came up with a bunch of these silly little resolutions and had a hard time narrowing it down to just 10, here is the Flannelgraf 2015 BONUS Resolution: 

BONUS: Not threaten to give up on the North East and its obnoxiously long winter. 

               #Snowmageddon #SummerIsComing #Eventually

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